SUICIDE TRAINING - GUIDELINES FOR CARE

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Suicide: Guidelines for Care

Suicidal thoughts can occur for many reasons: chronic physical pain, spiritual oppression, hopelessness, hostility, anger, emotional pain, cult programming, unresolved trauma, etc.

A suicidal person might ask, “Will I go to heaven if I kill myself?” My response is typically something similar to: “Man, that is a trick question for me. I am not God. If I say yes, would that give you permission to go ahead and commit? And then, what if I was wrong? If I say no, we could argue theology for a few weeks. All I know is, I don’t know for sure. I just know I hope you don’t take the chance. Do you think that it would ever be God encouraging you to take your own life?” (Of course not!) Next, you should address that a demonic voice of death- or a spirit of death- is working on them in attempt to kill them. Ask if they will agree with you in prayer to take authority over it and get out of agreement with it so that it is disempowered.

A family member of a person who has committed suicide may ask you if their loved one is in heaven. This surviving family member needs to be reassured and comforted. Therefore, I will always say that if there was a time that their family member sincerely asked Jesus into their heart, God’s grace and mercy will cover them in their greatest hour of need. And who knows if they lived long enough to repent after the point of no return?

Ask the suicidal person to complete a “Life Contract” with you. An example of the written contract is attached to the end of this document, but if you are speaking over the phone, you can get a verbal contract. This has proven over and over to be effective.

Never put a suicidal person on hold over the phone.

Question whether what they are really wanting is to be free of this world and all its pain (a longing for heaven like Paul), or if there is intent to die.

If someone is alluding to dying, ask them very directly, “Are you telling me you are suicidal?” Tell them you care whether they live or die and that you are going to be direct enough to ask. This will sometimes be extremely uncomfortable to ask, but ask nonetheless.

Find out if there is a plan to carry it out. Ask for specific details. Where, when, how, what, etc. If they admit to having a plan but refuse to tell you what it is, the intent is usually at a higher level. Ask if their intent is also directed towards other people. If they will not sign a contract with you, contact the police and/or call a family member to escort the person to a hospital. Do not escort them yourself. The police will likely handcuff them, put them on a gurney, and take them to the hospital. This is very upsetting, but they will know you mean business and will think carefully about doing it again. DO NOT GO TO THEIR HOUSE OR WHEREVER THEY MAY BE – LEAVE THAT TO THE POLICE.

Find out if they have ever been given a mental health diagnosis. Some personality disorders are at high risk of suicide. Those that have the highest risk are Bi-Polar and Borderline. These are also the most manipulative and are known to actually have “fun” with pastors and professionals by making them believe they are suicidal when they aren’t. Don’t take chances. Better to be manipulated than be negligent of taking action.

Realize that spiritually, they have made an agreement with Satan to die. Anytime the will gets in agreement with Satan, it must be broken for true release. Once this agreement is made, a false comforter will come and bring false peace. It is a clinical fact that a truly suicidal person will show a great calm and peace right before they follow through. If the person is still wavering whether or not to commit, they have not completely resolved to make the agreement. Make sure you educate them about this and warn them spiritually.

Suicide grief is complex. It can be tormenting and traumatic for those that have lost someone to this death. The goal of grief is to seek integration of this tragedy into your life, not necessarily to achieve ‘resolution’; it is creating a new normal with your life that has changed forever. If someone doesn’t go through a grief process the danger is that your heart becomes hardened, so always encourage them to join a grief group, seek professional counseling, and access good resources.

Recommended resources: “Understanding Your Suicide Grief” by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. and “Standing in the Shadow” by June Cerza Kolf

Steps for helping someone who is suicidal:

1. Listen. This is very crucial. They have a need to be understood. State back things they have said and ask if you’ve repeated correctly.

2. Validate. Repeat back to them the feeling they are exhibiting and validate it. State the emotion you see (anger, hopelessness, distraught).

3. Empathize. Don’t preach or lecture. Say something like:

"I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
“I agree with you– sometimes life sucks.”
“You are sick of all this.”
“Loneliness is too painful sometimes.”
“These feelings are temporary. Let’s find a way to get past this.”

4. Grounding. If you can get a solid answer on any of the following questions, continue with more questions about it.

Where are you? Inside or outside?
Are you using a cell phone or a land line?
Is it day or night?
Can you see outside?
What does the room look like?
What are you wearing?
Who will be concerned about you?
Do you have a pet?

5. Make a plan. Will they make an appointment to see you? Commit to go to church? Attend life group? Etc. Also encourage them to reach out to thier professional counselor for help or reach out to Care by emailing care@gatewaypeople.com to seek help

6. Pray. Ask them if you can pray for them. Pray specifically for God to exhibit Himself in a supernatural way that He is real and that He cares– even to the smallest thing that would be meaningful (this creates a positive expectation). Pray spiritual warfare for them. Ask them to agree with you (this releases the will from being in agreement with death to agreeing to life). Ask if they want to pray.

7. Accountable next thing. Help them move to the very next thing. What will you be doing when we hang up? Request for them to go outside and look at the sky, find a bird, or take a walk. Suggest watching a TV show, a comedy video, to take a bath, eat a meal, or take a nap. Tell them to call you in 2 hours and leave you a message so you will know they are following through with what they promised.

8. Follow-up. Stay in contact with this person until you believe they are stable. If unable to do it yourself, establish someone else that they can be accountable to for safety.

9. What to do if No Response: If the person does not respond back via phone, text or show up for the planned meet up what are the next steps? Contact the individual letting them know to. please respond, as you are concerned for their safety, given they shared with you they are struggling with suicidal thoughts. If they do not respond you will need to contact the non-emergency police line to do a wellness check. If you do not have access to their address or Planning Center Online, please check with a staff pastor or Care Department care@gatewaypeople.com.